I had a dream

so i had this dream where Nick killed himself and was hauting me, trying to tell me how sorry he was. and i woke up thinking, i wish that was read. i wish he really had killed himself but when your in the state of mind for suicide your just in so much pain there is no other way for it to stop and i want him to feel that pain, and i want him to suffer as much as he made me suffer and just the glimmer of a fact that he couldnt stomach that pain when i could brings some kind of vindication. like i'm stronger then him, i'm the better person. which sure we already knew that. but still, do you think its kind of sick to wish so much pain on another person? i suppose it is, but this just isent any person, this is Nick, the man who not just left me to do the hardest thing any person has to go through, but he abused me, he trying manulamting me into things i never wanted to do and some things it worked and thankfully with others it didnt. but still i can hear his voice in my head convincing me of my worthlesness and it drives me mad, so why wouldnt i want him to suffer enough to bring about his own death to hope that however way he dies i hope its painful, not some whimpy way like taking pills, but slowly watching his blood leave his body or put the gun in his mouth and with sheer desperation pull the trigger. and then there is the glimmer of hope that he is gone for this world forever and will never come back here to try and manpulate me ever again or erik or try and hurt use. to have him gone forever, really gone.