Coward

Around this time, every year. I think how horrible i'd feel if i had a nephew, or niece somewhere that i didnt know about, some little kid who shares my blood, maybe my features that i dont know, that i cant take to get icecream, that i cant buy a christmas present for. And then i start to feel really bad that Erik apparently has 3 aunts and one uncle, and 2 grandparents that dont know he exsists, all because I way too much of a coward to let them know. Anything can be found on the internet, once he was born i should have wrote them a letter, i should have let them all know. I was so scared what they might do, look at the person they raised, a person who would abondone the women he knocked up because "if i didnt want it, i shouldnt have to pay for it"
I wonder if he ever feels bad around this time of year, probably not
I wonder if he will ever tell them, probably not
I guess it dosent really matter now, Erik and I both have a true man now, who wont leave us just because life is diffacult, and who will be there for us no matter what.
I just cant help but feel guilty