I give up...again

Whats wrong with me? i could count them all becaus sadly i still remember them. the men i have loved and they all leave. some of them have the nuts to tell me and some just disappear without ever saying why. i think that hurts worse, it makes me think there is something wrong with me. and i guess there is. its the only thing that make sense why they all leave why everyone around me just seems to find someone easily!! argg i'm so fucking sick of it!!! why does it have to happen to every god damn person but me!! well i'm done, i will not open myself up to another fucking little prick just trying to get his own selfish needs. i'm done with all of you, if my man really is out there, then sorry but your just going to have to find someone else, thats what everyone else does and they all live happly ever after so i'm sure you'll be just fine to. and me? well i'll just be mom, and when erik leaves i'll go back, go back inside my mind to live with my muse voices, atleast then i wont be alone. why does it have to hurt so bad. i'm not that girl, i'm not the one, and i'll never be. i was never ment to be.