Feelings

I had a dream. Erik was grown up and looked a lot like his uncle. but the point of the dream was that he left. he was old and it was time for him to go out on his own. but i was just standing there in the dark. i have no one. i get so mad at myself for feeling this way for stressing about being all alone but the truth is i feel alone now! why cant anyone hear my desperate cries for just someone to freaking talk to me!! but even when i'm with people, its only temporary, they are going to leave to and i'll still be exactly where i am now, alone and unable to go back to sleep because my mind wont just stop thinking about all the things i hate in my life, the things i cant or dont know how to change and nothing gets my blood boiling more then feeling out of control. and i am completly. i feel as though my life is in the hands of someone else and i just have to wait and see if they destory it or help me out. give me back my life, give me back my intenity. i said i wasent ready and that still stands, but damnit i dont want to be alone, i'm so sick of it! i cant even breath anymore because how badly i want someone to love me. so what do i do? sit and wait i guess because there isent shit i can do about this situation that i landed myself in. i just sit here and wait for things to change, for something to be differant, and if i'm lucky (fat chance) maybe it will even be better.
self loathing enough for you? good, try walking in my fucking shoes and then maybe you'll understand why woe is me.