Not Enough

I'm so mad at myself for opening up again. for taking the chance of believe lies on the hope that maybe it was for real. but its all just a bunch of bullshit, it always is. The same thing always happens. They tell i'm the perfect women for them, they are so lucky to have found me and for a couple weeks its bliss. They compliment me and cant get enough of talking to me. Then for some reason they loose interest. I'm just not enough, not pretty enough, not interesting enough, not smart enough and i'm not enough perfect for them, for anyone it would seem like. Everyone keeps telling me that this wont keep happening that "he" is out there. well i dont believe it, history always repeats itself. because this always happens, no matter what i do...hold back on sex or get in bed with them. they all leave. i'm not a slut, i just want to be liked and when i have sex with them they stay longer. i can be happy for just a bit longer. thats all there is, only brief periods of happiness before everyone leaves. i feel somewhat dead and like i just want to lay in bed and cry. if only i could. erik is awake, so i have to put on a happy face. the ways of trying to raise a happy child. he will make me feel better. erik loves me no matter what. i'm enough for him.