Reality Bites

You know what it feels like when you find someone. life is a blur and everything just seems better...fuller somehow. like maybe its all going to work out, there is hope.
Then reality comes crashing down and your relize there is no such thing as bliss or perfection and i'm doing this shit alone.
So what to do? I love my job, i have never been so dedicated and just so happy while doing it, usually i hate working. But this job is just fun for me. i get to be left alone and work at my own pace and listen to music and munch while i'm working. who wouldnt love this job! but it just isent cutting it. At the end of every week my boss always says there will be more next week, and its always the same. and it isent enough. there arnt enough hours for me to make the money i need to get for every month. 300$ a month just isent possible. so what do i do now? there a few choices
First i could try and find another part time job that would let me work only 4 hours for like 3 or 4 days in the week. and that is my first choice. that way i could still keep my amazing job, and of course the money i'm making now and the christmas bonus in December. But then i'm going to be feeling like i'm just working all the time and be even more tired then i am now because of these damn blood thinners. that would also be making my parents watch erik a lot more and despite what they say i know they dont like to watch him for that long of time.
The second i could quit this job and find another one that would offer me more hours and at a regular basis. but i would probably have to put erik in daycare which i have been avoiding at all cost because its just something i have no desire what so ever to do. might if the first option dosent work i wont have a choice, i'll have to. just thinking about that makes me cringe and want to start crying...like i have no control at all what i want for the rest of my life and for eriks. Controls is an allusion right, it just isent fair, why cant i have it all? what is so damn wrong with having it all?
The third choice, now i would have to be very desperate, at the end of my road. i'm writing it down because i cant pretend like it didnt occur to me. Take nick to court for child support. I think about this off and on often. but we are almost in the clear...a couple more months. A year and he wont have any rights at all and he will be gone from our lives. Even after a year if he decide he wanted to see Erik he wouldnt be able to. Wreckless abandonment is not something they take lightly. We are almost free of him and i would hate to bring him back in. Into my life and into my head, i wont do it. But again i cant pretend like i couldnt use the money. There are more important things then money, but sadly its just something you need to live and to survive and try to give my son the best life that i know how...and part of that requires money.
So what do i do now? search and hope for the best? i really dont like the sound of that. Maybe tearsa is right and it will pick up next week and i can even get extra hours. if i have to hope for something thats what i'll hope for. but its not something i'll count on. even though i hate the thought i'm going to find a second job and just suck it up. This is what being a single parent is, i made this choice and i knew it would be hard. well i think i'm about to find out how hard.